


take me back to the basics

by MistyMoon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Insecure Minseok, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Minseok, also mentioned junmyeon bc i love myeon, also the xiulay is a bit implied but if u come here expecting some Sweet moments ur gonna get them, idk if i should but tell me if i should add any tags, supportive implied bf yixing, u could defs read it thinking of qp xiulay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 00:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8349850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyMoon/pseuds/MistyMoon
Summary: Minseok had a rough week and Yixing just wanted to see him smile again.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i had a somewhat uncomf experience last week and let me say, self projecting is a blessing.  
> anwyay i love xiulay and trans minseok is my Life

Minseok was hiding in the bathroom, door locked, trying not to let any noises leave his lips. It was too late, all the other members were asleep and he didn't want to wake them up. It would be unfair to let his petty feelings stop the others from sleeping. He was sitting on the floor, back against the door and knees close to his chest, with his hands covering his mouth to muffle his sobs. He had left his bed right after he noticed Jongdae had fallen asleep, and quickly locked himself in the first empty room he saw. He had been overthinking the whole week, distancing himself from the others, seeking for some space to gather his thoughts.   
Jongdae had noticed and was going to ask Minseok about it, but he decided to approach him at the wrong time; Minseok was about to take off his underwear to get changed when he heard the door, and Jongdae can swear he had never seen anyone close a door as quickly as Minseok did. Minseok's heart was racing, he could barely breathe. Jongdae had almost found out, had almost ripped one of Minseok's deepest secrets from him. Minseok refused to answer when he asked why he had stopped him from coming in, and he isolated himself even more. He pretended he had no idea what Jongdae was talking about, and eventually he gave up.  
It was obvious they were all worried, but Minseok just said he needed some time to think. He never worried about any of them finding out, since he always knew the right time to get changed and to take a shower, but after Jongdae and specially after Chanyeol went in the bathroom while he showered a couple of days later, every step he took was planned and he was as careful as ever.  
He had never had such a stressful week; promotion weeks were nothing compared to this. He was forced to get changed before anyone else woke up and he rarely used the bathroom if there was a slight chance someone might walk in on him. He knew he could just tell them the truth and stop worrying about everything he did, but it wasn't that simple. He barely managed to come out to his parents when he was thirteen, he doubted he'd be able to come out to seven people. He could always ask Yixing for some advice, since he had come out to the other back when they were twelve (jongdae was the only one from the old sub-unit that didn't know), but Yixing had too much on his mind, with his solo album coming out soon. And there was always that fear that maybe the others wouldn't accept him, that maybe they'd be disgusted and would ask the company to make him leave the group. That could happen, he could be forced to leave, he could lose everything if he told the others.  
Instead of taking that risk, Minseok didn't voice any of thoughts to Yixing and hoped these feelings of doubt would go away by themselves. He was beginning to have everything under control, until Junmyeon came to him and asked him if they had done anything wrong, if they had upset him somehow. Minseok wanted to break right there, wanted to explain everything to Junmyeon and tell him that, no, he wasn't mad or upset because of anything they did, he was just having a rough week. He did that, except the 'explain everything' part, and Junmyeon seemed to understand, but Minseok still felt guilty. They thought they had fucked up somehow, that Minseok distancing himself from them was their fault somehow, that they made him feel bad, and Minseok wanted to apologize to each of them individually.  
He held it in, though, he didn't let his feelings show. He wouldn't break down just because of that, he wouldn't, he was stronger than that. He made himself talk to the others more and try to make them indirectly know they didn't do anything wrong, that he wasn't upset because of them. Even after trying to fix it, even after telling himself he wouldn't let it affect him, it did. It was like all the stressful things that had happened to him in that week were being held back by a glass wall; Minseok was well aware they had happened, but he managed to contain his reactions to them. Now, it seemed like the glass had shattered. It was okay until they all went to sleep, because now that Minseok could be anywhere without fearing one of them would walk in on him, he struggled to hold back his tears.  
He didn't know how long he had been sitting inside the bathroom, but he had completely forgotten about the other residents of the house. It was just him and his thoughts, which is why he was startled when he heard a knock on the door. He made a noise that was a mix of a gasp and a sob and it just sounded pathetic to him, he hadn't realized how pathetic what he had been doing looked like. He was afraid of opening the door and letting whoever was outside see him.  
"Minseok." It was Yixing's voice. Minseok thanked every god he could remember. "You okay?"  
Minseok let out a quiet whimper before getting up and unlocking the door, standing away from it, waiting for Yixing to come in.  
He quickly opened the door, closing it after he was inside. Minseok was looking down, wiping away his tears. He hated when anyone saw him like this.  
Yixing took his hands away from his face and made him look up at him.  
"You've been telling everyone you were okay. Min, what's wrong?" His voice was soft, he sounded anything but angry at Minseok, and that only made him want to sob harder. The idea of answering him by just burying his own face in his chest and crying was tempting, oh god it was. Minseok didn't think he was capable of using his words, of forming coherent words to help Yixing understand what he was feeling. All of his thoughts just sounded so stupid when he tried to explain them in his head, he was afraid Yixing would think the same thing and invalidate his feelings and then he would feel more alone than he felt before and-  
"I don't know what you're thinking, but if it's about that thing, know that while I can't really understand what you're going through, I'll always be here to support you, okay?"  
Minseok could hear his tears hitting the floor and he did it, he leaned his head against Yixing's chest and sobbed while the other placed his arms around him and pulled him closer. He thought he would never understand how Yixing always knew what he was thinking, but he was glad he did. Explaining to others how he felt was always the hardest thing for Minseok to do. He was glad that Yixing was there for him.  
Minseok couldn't remember when the words started leaving his mouth, but he found himself spilling all his worries to Yixing, even if some of the sentences didn't make sense. He thought he must be looking disgusting, mumbling nonsense with wet cheeks and puffy red eyes. He hated crying, hated feeling vulnerable, helpless, hated not being able to control his emotions. He always hid from the others when he couldn't stop the tears, always kept quiet until he couldn't anymore. It was a system that had worked for years, but it seemed to have started to fall apart and Minseok was desperately grasping at the pieces that remained, trying to put everything back together.  
Yixing was caressing Minseok's hair, letting him take his time. He was becoming calmer, his sobs growing quieter and his breathing, more even. His knuckles were white from gripping Yixing's shirt too tightly, holding onto it like a man drowning. He needed something to ground him, to remind him that the world he belonged to wasn't the one inside his mind. He was terrified of drifting away from reality, of getting lost in this sea of doubt, of hatred and pure fear he created in his mind. Even in pre-debut days, Yixing was the one who pulled him out of the water when only the tip of his fingers was left uncovered.  
Minseok pulled away from Yixing and started wiping away his tears. His breaths were a bit shaky, but he seemed like he could talk. Yixing was glad; he felt terrible whenever Minseok broke down like that.  
"Hey," he started, taking Minseok's hands into his own. "Do you want to talk about it?"  
"I guess," he mumbled, staring down at the floor.  
"Okay." Yixing made him sit on the toilet and he knelt in front of him. He knew Minseok preferred to sit down rather than stand up while he was in a delicate state like this. "You wanna tell them, don't you?"  
"I don't know how," Minseok admitted. "I want them to know, I want to start being honest with them, and I feel guilty for pushing them away when they get too close, but I don't know how to do it." His voice cracked at the last word and Yixing placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.  
"It's okay." Yixing was patient with Minseok; he knew he wouldn't get anywhere if he rushed things. "You don't have to do it alone, I'm here to help you."  
Minseok took a deep breath and remained silent. Yixing knew how tired he got, he wasn't going to force him to speak. He pulled the other into a hug and Minseok rested his head on Yixing's shoulder. They stayed there for a few minutes, so Yixing could give Minseok some time to gather his thoughts. He would never fully understand what Minseok was feeling, but he has always done his best to support him and help him when he feels like the others can't. Minseok trusted him with all of his secrets; Yixing knew more about Minseok than he knew about himself.  
"Do you think they'll still like me after I tell them?" Minseok murmured into Yixing's shoulder.  
"They will. There's no reason why they wouldn't."  
"How can you be sure though?"  
"Minseok." Yixing pulled away from the hug and placed both his hands on Minseok's cheeks. "Nothing will happen to you, I promise. If they don't accept you, I'll fight each one of them individually." He would. Yixing would do anything to make sure Minseok felt safe and comfortable,  _anything_.  
Minseok couldn't hold back his laughter at that. He pushed Yixing's hands away, using his own to muffle his laughter, as to not wake up the others. His laugh was the kind that made others want to join in, and Yixing couldn't resist. He rested his head on Minseok's thigh and he struggled to keep quiet, but some chuckles made it past his lips.  
"I'll pay to see you win against Junmyeon," Minseok said, his laughter starting to quiet down. Yixing whispered a 'catch these hands junmyeon' and Minseok let out a loud laugh. "We should go back to bed before we wake anyone up." He started getting up, gently removing Yixing's head from his thigh.  
"Would Junmyeon kill me if I woke him up right now and asked him to fight me?"  
"Yes and he'd hang your head on the living room, now let's go." Minseok took Yixing's hand and, after unlocking the door, lead him out of the bathroom. Yixing was about to walk to his room but Minseok's grip on his hand got tighter. He looked at the other, clear confusion in his eyes.  
"Just, uh, thanks. For staying with me and helping me through that. You always do that and I don't think I've ever thanked you, so yeah. Thank you." Minseok's cheeks were flushed and he refused to look at Yixing. He loosened his grip on his hand to let him go back to his room, but Yixing stood there with a smile on his face.  
"I told you," He got closer to Minseok and intertwined their fingers. "I'll always be here when you need me. No matter what."  
"I know. Thank you."  
"Goodnight Min." Yixing kissed Minseok's forehead and went to his room.  
For the first time after what seemed like months of restless sleeping and nightmares, Minseok fell asleep with a clear head. Even in his dreams, instead of the usual scenario where he was rejected by the others, he didn't see any of that. All he could feel was Yixing's lingering touches on his hands, on his face, all he could hear was the sound of his laughter, the way he promised he'd fight seven people for him.  
Minseok knew he had Yixing, knew he could always trust him and count on him. For that, he was thankful.


End file.
